When the fire comes- you can be a chaser... or a carrier...
When I look back over the course of the last few years of my adult life, I am honestly kind of amazed.
One thing I've become increasingly aware of, is that my "quirks" and struggles seem to be far more magnified than I care for them to be (and I don't remember them asking me!) I don't remember these characteristics being so overwhelming when I was younger. And sometimes... I really feel I am just drowning in myself. It's the kind of overwhelming feeling you just want to escape.
I had my insecurities as a youth- but I don't remember them quite as vividly as I do the boldness I had. I was wildly in love with the Lord. I do remember a turning point- when I allowed a relationship to take me (just enough) off course. A lesson I learned was that I should never have put my relationship with the Lord on hold while waiting for that person to make the journey with me- we are never guaranteed tomorrow let alone our very next breath. And eternity is way to dangerous to play a game with. I feel like I am still recovering from the time I so frivolously gave away. Like maybe if I had been a little less careless... I wouldn't be in the shape I am today?
But I know that's not entirely true, because the reality is we all -no matter where we are in life- have needs and wounds that the Lover of our soul wants to carefully tend to. There is purpose in the pain... but which manifests in our lives depends on who we surrender it to. Our heavenly Father can redeem those seasons of our lives in ways we could never dream- but there is also one who roams about like a lion seeking whom he may devour - 1 Peter 5:8. We must awake and become aware of whom we are surrendering the pain to.
The last couple years of my life I have been purposefully chasing Jesus. I want more... I just can't get enough. If you are reading this and have accepted Jesus as the only sacrifice for your sins that repaired the way to our heavenly Father- you'll understand. If you haven't- it's not something I can fully explain other than the love and peace that pours in to those wounded and fearful places of our lives- and not like a one size fits all kind of healing salve but a very personal prescription that you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that He sees you and He cherishes you, right where you are.
In the process of chasing Him I have learned to surround myself by others who are as compasses, pointing me in the right direction. (As a word of caution, we must know who we follow, because we are all perfectly, imperfect humans. The Holy Spirit is our ultimate guide- but the Word of God also says we will know [others] by their fruit- Matthew 7:16 But I recommend reading Matthew 7: 15-17.)
I'm thankful for the people in my life who give me more grace than I sometimes give myself. These precious spirits truly are a beacon of light and heaven's love. What I have been learning in the last few years is that sometimes our healing and restoration is not a "quick fix," but more a step by step journey (and this is where my sweet brothers and sisters in Christ remind me to keep my eyes upward rather than in.) that takes us from the dry and barren land into the plentiful place.
It's easy to to be fired up and loose sight of that when we are fortunate to be in revival environments- where the distractions and reminders of life are left at the door. There is no greater feeling than being completely submerged in His presence- because even as those scabs are ripped open and the scar tissue broken up, there is healing oil that flows from Heaven, an electrifying vigor and new perspective. But sometimes... once we step back out through those doors... the perspective fades away as familiar environments return and we pick up the very things we thought we left behind. And sometimes they aren't even terrible things... but they are things that when not surrendered completely can be counterproductive to where we are going.
For me- that "thing" is busyness- and a lack of balance. My prayer has been to return to the boldness of my youth. I know that will only come from spending time with my Lord- renewing my mind and refreshing my heart so that I may be transformed in to a new creation. 2 Corinthians 5:16-18.
As long as I stay distracted and busy, consumed with never-ending to-do lists and life, I will only remain a heap of burning embers. And I think many Christians feel that this state is ok, as long as they have not cooled to ash. But I am not content to be burning embers- a fire chaser... I long to be ablaze- a fire carrier.
So if you are reading this- thank you first and foremost for sharing part of your day with me. But I ask you now to pray for me and for all Christians around the world, that the breath of God which first ignited these glowing embers* would once again ignite the flame so that all the world may see, through love and grace, the light of His mercy.
There is power in your testimony! I'd love for this space to become a place where I (and others) can be encouraged by the work of God's grace! Please share in the comments below as you feel He leads! Thank you!
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