A Sojourner

Life's journey can take us through some pretty muddy places.

It's hard to believe 2016 is already upon us. For some it comes bittersweet, others welcome it like a breath of fresh air- a new beginning. For me the New Year is not celebrated with any type of fanfare. I'm in bed before the ball drops and the next morning feels just as the day before. I'm sure to some I sound unsentimental and completely lame. But the truth is I just don't want to give in to all the hype. New Year's always seems to come with "resolutions" and empty promises. I want to treat each day the same, that is, making the most of each moment. 

One thing that January does bring for me though is a sense of stillness- peace- quietness... It is a time of year when the chaotic pace I have become accustomed to comes to a screeching halt. And I welcome it. It's a chance I can slow down. Breathe. Re-evaluate. 

Looking at my life over the last year and a half has been emotional. I see a season of strength followed by moments of defeat. I see the choices that I have made that have led me to the mountaintop and those that have brought me to the valley. But I am thankful for the hand that holds me through it all. God's grace gives me the chance to keep trekking through this imperfect sojourn called life.

My journey to health and wholeness has been a real struggle. When I look back to where I came from, I can see the progress I have made but I also see the steps back I have taken. And as I write this I can't help but realize the irony of my own circumstance as I think of how it almost perfectly parallels the Israelite's passage from Egypt to the Promised Land.

My journey started from a place of captivity because of my choices and will end in the freedom of where God is calling me; but to get there, there must be a season of "wandering in the desert"... And it is a place I definitely feel I am in right now. 

It was in that place that God revealed Himself to His children intimately. A place where He protected. He provided. He Loved. He led. And He continues to want to do that for us today if we will let Him. (I believe our Heavenly Father is a gentleman who will not force His way or will in to our lives.) Just as the children of Israel chose to follow Moses out from their captivity in Egypt, so must [we] I choose to trust Him to deliver me to "the land of milk and honey."

It's a hard place to be, in the unknown... But I can rest in what I do know. That my God is good. He loves me and has my best interest at heart. He will never lead me astray or tempt me. And He gave EVERYTHING... for me. It's pretty unfathomable actually when you think of it... that what He wants from me is my heart- and if it is shackled to things or proclivities that burden it, He asks for those.

What kind of a love do you know that asks for, and genuinely, wants that? Your burdens? Your pains?

And yet I think sometimes those things are so hard to part with because they become ingrained in our identities. At least for me... I've found that as God tries to lead me step by step out of captivity, I often "want" to run back, just as the children of Israel moaned for "how good" they had it in Egypt when they tired of eating the miracle of manna. Because that all to familiar place of discomfort is sometimes more comfortable than the faith walk of deliverance through the desert. Bondage is predictable. It doesn't change.

I will continue to trust in the love of my Savior. And though I may detour, circling through the desert- battling the same old warfare- I will not let my faith grow weary. Because it is in faith that my victory will come and through those detours that my character will be tested, refined, renewed. In. Time.

So to 2016, the same as 2015... I know there will be magnificent mountaintop views and seasons of roving the valleys. I will try to keep my head up to take in the beauty of everything around me no matter the altitude of my circumstance. Because there is purpose in every place and wealth to be found in every struggle. And someday... I'll find I have crossed over.

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